Studio Envy

I know I just wrote about being grateful and in the moment and enjoying just being, but this is also the time for looking forward and making resolutions for the new year and all that, right? I never make resolutions and I’m not about to start, but I do need to channel this feeling I’m having into a positive direction somehow.

I’m jealous. Of these people and their studios:

Yuyi Morales, children’s book author/illustrator

Marla Frazee, children’s book author/illustrator (whose studio is a separate little building in their backyard)

Ria Nirwana, scrapbooker/artist

I could go on and on showing you spaces of which I am jealous. Big, bright, everything in its place – they are everything my “studio” is not.

Here is mine:

It’s a cramped, uncomfortable corner in our cold, dark garage. I guess it’s better than a corner in my bedroom, which is always where I’ve worked before, but since it’s such a lousy space, I usually end up dragging projects out into the living room or our kitchen table anyway. I know I shouldn’t complain. We have shelter. We even own it. But it’s starting to feel very, very small – especially now with a baby. Our kitchen is so tiny we have to limit the number of appliances that can be on the counter at once. If we’re making baby food, there’s no room for a toaster. You have to move the trash can to open the pots and pans cabinet. With three people and a dog living in 750 square feet there’s hardly room for the baby to learn to roll over much less for space conducive to creation.

I know in my head that size doesn’t matter, it’s what you do with it that counts. Sneaking peeks at someone else’s only makes you feel inadequate about your own. I know this. But I can’t help it.

So, I’m not so much making a resolution as putting my dream down in writing. Call it a goal. Or a wish. It seems like in the past whenever I’ve expressed a desire for something, whether it was to go to college or get to travel or for a good husband, I’ve put these hopes out into the universe and God/fate/my fairy godmother/whatever you want to call that higher being who knows the true calling in my heart and the best time to give it to me, delivers. In ways often surprising, unexpected and better than I ever imagine.

So here’s my dream, higher being. I would love a home with a room all my own – a studio for writing, drawing, painting or whatever I feel like doing, with big windows and natural light, a work table, lots of bookshelves, supply storage, a utility sink and a cozy chair, either in my house or close enough that I don’t have to get dressed to go to it. I don’t need it in 2010.  I would love to have it before I’m 40 (that’s 8 years away), but I know your timing will be right whatever it is.

If I resolve anything, it is to continue to do the work in my heart and hope that it leads me down the path to my dreams, to a creative life that would require steady attendance in a studio like that. I am grateful for all my current blessings, but it’s good to have something to look forward to. I’ve posted this Barbara Kingsolver quote from “Animal Dreams” before, but it bears repeating:

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”

May you come closer to living your hopes in 2010!


2 thoughts on “Studio Envy

  1. Oh, Cas….there was once only exist in my hope and dreams too, this thing called ‘studio’. But I am never back off or doubt even one bit that one day it will happen.(you said before we turned 40, right? Phew, done!). Just saying it outloud and the universe will do the rest to bring you the sign that you have to follow. And about your corner in the garage? Don’t worry, hun, i am started from a much more chaotic place than yours. But we got to start somewhere, right? *wink*

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