Musings by Mother Mary

If I could read the blog of anyone who came before this age of mom blogs, it would be Mary’s. Jesus’ mama could provide important answers and insights from some sorely missing chunks of our savior’s life.

I made the painting above years ago when I realized that all the representations of baby Jesus in famous paintings usually show a disturbingly adult head on a baby’s body, his hands throwing some mysterious medieval gang sign, like the one below (to see more scary baby Jesus pics from history, check out this site):

But he’s never shown crying. If he was as human as he was divine, didn’t he cry? Didn’t he keep Mary up all hours of the night in the beginning? Now that I have a baby of my own, this Christmas season I’ve been more curious than ever about the details of Jesus’ birth and childhood and how Mary handled it. Did he sometimes pee all over her when she went to change his swaddling? Did she ever take his name in vain when the mailman rang the doorbell and woke him up from his nap?

Since I won’t know the answers to my burning questions until I get to hang with Mary face to face, I imagined what some of her tweets from those days might look like:

-Took  forever for us to get to Bethlehem. Had to pull the donkey over like every two minutes so I could pee!

-I could kill Joseph for not making a reservation!! I told him it would be packed. I swear, if you want something done right…

-Hay and manure were not in my birth plan.

-Jesus is here! 8lb 6 oz, 20 inches. He’s perfect!!

-If these guys are so wise, why didn’t they bring us something useful like diapers or a miracle blanket? Ever heard of a Bjorn?

-Fleeing to Egypt totally screwed up Jesus’ sleep schedule. Sometimes I wonder if travel is even worth it anymore.

Later in life:

-That stinker Jesus changed his water to grape juice again just to make his younger brother jealous. Such a showoff.

-Jesus has been on a hunger strike for 10 days now. How long can he possibly go on? Teenagers!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Remember the reason for the season and send me your take on how Mary was dealing with her firstborn son. I’m sure she was much more mature than most knocked-up fourteen year olds, but even if Jesus was perfect it had to be hard.


2 thoughts on “Musings by Mother Mary

  1. Cassy, I love it that you are diving in humanizing the mother/child relationship, humanizing Mary. I enjoyed your painting and your point about baby Jesus. I wrote a poem about Mary I’ve been hesitant to send out because I allowed the imagining to present a lover–a camel tender–etc., and your work inspires me to be less afraid of what others might say about musing into sacred minds. I remember specifically feeling linked to Mary in a carnal way after giving birth, even though she had felt so distant prior. Came across your work on She Writes.

  2. You are freakin cracking me up, Cassy!! This is hilarious – my additions would be:
    -Can’t you perform some miracle and feed yourself? My nipples are sore.
    -Jesus! Get down from that tree right now or I’ll tell your Father!
    -Jesus – please eat your vegetables. You created them, ya know. Show them you like them.

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